


Wanting

by olivemartini



Series: the heavy hearts we hold together [7]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 17:35:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11560062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivemartini/pseuds/olivemartini
Summary: "Sometimes,"  She says, and the words break up the quiet before it fades back to just the click and whir of the computers in front of them.  "I really want to kiss you."





	Wanting

Neither of them are talking.

It's been a long day, which is stretching out into an already longer night.  There were dead boys turning up, and another one missing, and the BAU seems to be off its game today.  Beatrice tries not to think about it, about that little kid alone in the dark and what that awful man might be doing to him, but it's hard not to, when Spencer is hovering over her smelling like a mixture of sweat and cologne and crime scene and the numbers on her screen are still spinning, looking for a break that she's not sure they're going to get.

He's too close to her, and when she lets out a hysterical sort of laugh and bends over the keyboard to hide the tears that are starting to gather in her eyes, his hand is on her shoulder, fingers digging into the tense muscle and bringing her back to him, back to the case, back to the thought of that little boy lose and alone and the dark room. 

"What's wrong?"  

It's a stupid question, and it deserves a stupid answer, but she can't think of a real come back when he's close enough to her that she feels his breath on her face and can make out that barely there smattering of freckles across his nose.  

 _I'm not cut out for this,_ she thinks, and she moves to cover his hand with her own, a movement that seems to draw him closer to her without either of them thinking twice about it.  You're allowed to do these things to remind yourself that good people still exist, when the other alternative is thinking about those bodies that they dug out of shallow graves.

Twelve of them.

 _I can't take this anymore, this is why I quit, I can not have any more pain._ She thinks it, desperately, and the words are right there on the tip of her tongue, but it isn't what she says.  She ends up saying something else instead, because she has turned to face him and the way he was looking at her made it seem like it was the only thing left for her to say.  

"Sometimes, I really want to kiss you."  It's not a romantic way to admit to this thing she never wanted to say out loud, and it definitely isn't the time of the place, but the words do help to break apart the silence.  The shock of it dies away eventually, just leaving the click and whir of the computers and the sound of his breathing to keep her company.

"I want you to."  He says it softly, and the only thing she can think is  _too close, too close, too close,_ though she's not sure if she's thinking about him anymore or her feelings for all that this job entails in general.  He moves in, close enough that she can make the choice if she wants to, but she's never been that brave.  "I can't promise I won't run away after."

She doesn't ask him why he would run, not when there are too many reasons that could count as a  _why,_ probably starting with the fact that the last girl he loved got her head blown off before he even got the chance to kiss her.  So she lets herself lean in, her lips just ghosting against his cheek, and when she pulls away, she's not sure if it's disappointment or relief that she sees in his eyes.  "I'm too scared to find out."


End file.
